So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
