she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
