According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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