Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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