You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
