i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
