yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
