i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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