My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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