yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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