just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
