from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
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tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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