I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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