her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
