She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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