Tell her she can't have a vagina
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sext me about skeletons
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize