feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
