Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I am one with the molecules
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
