Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
