I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
