is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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