I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
