tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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