Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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