Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
