You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
