In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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