I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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