I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
