Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
