Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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