dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
