He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he quoted the bible to break up with me
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
