It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
