that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
