i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
BRING THE BAGELS
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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