I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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