I think im going to throw up on grandma
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I love you. Go after that dick
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
