found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
