i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
