Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
