why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
