CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
