the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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