dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
