I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
