Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
