Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
