I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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