I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
