Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
