dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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