he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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