theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just found puke in my bra..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
