I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
