Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
