Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight