dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
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Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
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this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???