Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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