I hate your face
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Let's paint friendship bongs
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
