he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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