I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
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She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
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The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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