Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
