I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize