I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
