I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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