my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
